The storm before the calm.

I have to say that it has been a while since my last post. I have wanted to post things but my world kinda got turned upside down for a while. For those that don’t know, I have relocated to Tucson, Az. from Houston, Tx. Several other personal changes happend, good or bad depending on how you look at it. I will not get into the details of those matters as they are personal and those that know, need to.

Moving on, and I mean that in every litteral sense of the word, I have been blessed with the introduction of new faces and friends in my life. I have to say the the storm is coming to a lull, and I thank God for that. For a bit, I was concerned with losing the roof over my head, but all things worked out and we didn’t need to move. My school work is going full speed ahead and I am once again on the Highest Honors list for the 7th time. There is another matter that I would like to talk about, but it is a bit sensitive and other matters need to be resolved before I say anything.

I will say this much, I am really happy at this time. Things are going well even when they don’t seem to be. I am still unemployed, but know that once I have my degree in hand I can make my business take off. I am coming up with new home designs, very interesting ones, but they work. I just need to market them to people that would like a home that is unique in that no one else designs like I do. Chalk that up to my crazy ideas and inginuty. It is a real complement when the chair of your course studies says “You are really smart. I have never seen any thing like that.”  And she’s an architect and civil engineer herself.

Just wanted to keep everyone posted as to what has been going on. Those that know me and have my number………you know how to reach me if you would like to know more. Those that don’t…….you will have to wait. The future is only uncertain for those that are uncertain about their future.

Forgiveness is divine.

Something unusual for me for a few years is to sit in church.  It’s been a while since I have been in a church and count myself a member of the Buddhist community. Let me explain that Buddhism actually sees the similarities in all religions and doesn’t worry about the difference, in that, they seek to be able to speak to all people of all religions in ways that they can understand. A step in unity and peace if we all work towards that goal.  That aside, I was in church this new years morning and the sermon was about forgiveness.  This is something that transcends all religions and belief systems.  Forgiveness is important in that it’s in forgiving others that we ourselves are forgiven, either by God or whatever higher power you answer to.  It is important to forgive others, to let by gones be by gones, but there are times you must also demonstrate what is called “tough love” where you often have to close the door on people to teach them that there are things to be learned, you must earn trust back or give some time for healing to occure.  In doing this it may appear that you are not being forgiving, but you have to already committed to forgiving them to show them the love you are giving.  There have been times in my life that people have done things and I have shut them out for a while and then one day they just show up and I act like nothing is wrong.  It’s only when they begin to act like they did last time that we sepperate again.  There are those that I have forgiven and, because they have displayed the same behavior everytime, choose to keep my distance so that I don’t have to forgive them anymore.  It is also important to forgive someone we often forget to forgive; ourselves.  This is something that I am guilty of and something that I work with everyday.  Part of my being depressed comes from not forgiving myself and seeking forgiveness for things that people have forgiven me for.  I guess what can be said is don’t be hard on people who have learned that they have done something hurtful to you, don’t be hard on yourself for mistakes if you learn from them.  The really important thing is that we learn from what we do to others and not be judgemental of others because we are all human and make mistakes.  Forgive for the sake of forgiving, because it is the right thing.

Happy New Year.

One more year is gone and with it a load of triumphs and defeats.  I am spending this new years eve with my mother in Arizona.  During this up comming year we should be looking at what can be done to make this world a better place, a more peaceful world.  I see things that I must change in myself because of how they bring those around me down and hurt them.  I have made a vow to be a compassionate person seeking to bring compassion, loving kindness and understanding into a world that needs it.  This is something that I have been working on since I have been in Arizona, for about a month now, and see every reason to continue.  I have found there are those people who no matter how much you show these things to they still act in a way that is contrary to what is beneficial to everyone else.  I cannot make people act in a more compassionate way towards others, this must be a consious choice of their own.  Sometimes, though, compassion involves doing things that seem harmful to make people realize that they are doing things harmful to themselves and others. As someone told me, there are four ways to do things; right and beneficial, right and harmful, wrong and beneficial and wrong and harmful.  I discussed this in an earlier post.  My aim is to work mostly on the “right and beneficial” or “wrong and beneficial” end of these things. Why you ask? Beneficial is beneficial. Right and wrong are neither beneficial nor harmful, they are only right and wrong.  I implore people to act in a beneficial maner towards their fellow beings, no matter of right or wrong.  Remember that not doing something for someone is not always a harmful thing in that it forces them to do things for themselves and can be beneficial.  That being said, I do wish everyone a blessed and prosperous new year as well as peace for us all.  Thank you.

A little about me.

I write here, somewhat, to post my thoughts and ideas on things that have meaning to me and do what I can to make the world a better place.  It gives you a glimpse of me, but not really shows you who I am.  I want to give you a look deep inside, expose my soul, and leave myself open to be criticized and torn apart, or to have some compassion shown and seen as a human being.  I, like many, struggle with depression.  Sometimes it gets the best of me and I spend time contemplating my purpose in this world and wondering if I am doing the right thing.  Sometimes I get up and go through life as if I can’t be stopped and have an indomitable spirit.  Lately I have felt held down and feel as if I am in a downward spiral, and I do not want this to happen.  Part of the reason for this is that I am influenced by the people around me.  Like many, I am a product of my environment and when negativity is all that seems to be around me, then negativity is all that seems to fill my mind.  I will admit that there are times that I just break down and cry until I just go to sleep.  There are many times I have acted out of anger and had to go back and apologise for acting impulsive, even accusing loved ones of being responsible for things beyond their control.  I spend a lot of time feeling partly responsible for things that happen in this world, though I know that there are things that I cannot control.  There are people who I really wish I could be an influence on because they are harmful to themselves and others, but just don’t see it.  That is the case where I am at now.  I spend  everyday watching people I care for be destructive to one another and it tares me up inside to the point that I will soon have to leave.  Depending on if one of these people can keep true to their word depends on if I will remain in contact with them in the future.  I would love to put more on here, but it seems that there is only so much that can be written down.  Feel free to be critical of me or compassionate towards me, as you see fit.  That’s why I put this out there.

Be not the Moon, but the finger pointing to the Moon.

For the past couple of sundays I have been attending church with my parents.  I have become so use to Buddhist Dharma talks that I have felt a little out of place in that I didn’t feel as if I was given something to think about, but being told what to think.  I want to make it clear that I have no difficulties with the Christian religion or with Christians.  I have just become used to examples of how to live being given and not a sense of blind devotion that seems to be the message that is given.  For one I like living by example and not having to constantly look for God in things, because for me God is experienced in all things.  There is no need to remind myself why I am thankful because I look to the little things that people take for granted and become thankful for those things.  I don’t bother praying for things that I want because it is not up to me what happens beyond my control, so I must accept it.  My compassion has even pushed me to the point of becoming angry with people because I don’t want them to bring harm to themselves.  That anger is still unprecedented because I cannot make the choices in their lives.  My impression of church is that one should not leave wanting or confused, yet that is how I have left it for the past couple of weeks.  Is it the ministers fault for this? No, they are doing what they have been taught to do to the best of their ability, and that’s what they are doing.  The fault lies in not teaching people how to live and just teaching them not to question what they are told to think.  This is the fault of those who feel that by controlling people’s thoughts that you set them on the right path.  Show them how to live, the examples are there. Become the finger that points to the Moon, the arrow that shows the path, by living and walking that path so that people see how it should be walked and understand. You cannot be the path, no one is able to be the path in this day and age. My purpose is to simply help people to understand that one should live the right path, and speaking is just talk. Live your life in a way that ispires others to do the right thing in their and focus only on how you live.

Why Meditate?

When I was growing up I had a strong urge to learn to meditate.  Something in me said that doing meditation would be beneficial to me.  My parents, being ministers, strongly discouraged me from doing so.  Still something in me told me that meditation was something I should be doing. I started learning on my own, reading books, watching videos, what ever I could do to learn. I don’t suggest this method because without guidance from someone who has been doing it for some time you may do things improperly or have the wrong perceptions of what should be going on.  I suggest finding a place that teaches meditation such as wellness centers, meditation halls or even take up yoga. Fact is meditation comes in many forms and fashions, so finding one to fit you shouldn’t be hard.  I personally prefer walking and sitting meditation.  Yoga and Tai Chi can be extremely meditative and good for your health. Now, meditation has become more widely accepted so when I tell people that I meditate they are quite pleased to have someone that knows how to meditate and that if they want to learn, they can always ask if I can show them how. So, why meditate? There are several reasons to meditate, most people do it to relieve stress or find some inner calm. The health benefits list from lower blood pressure to better posture. It is good for people who suffer from Depression, Bi-polar or is ADHD because it allows you to observe your thoughts and calm your mind. There are a lot of good reason to meditate, you just have to make to move to do so.

Look Where You Lost It And You Will Find It.

One day, a long time ago, there was a woman that was searching for something in the street outside her house.  Some people asked what she was looking for and she informed them that she had dropped her needle and that’s what she was looking for.  Many people decided to help her find her needle and soon there were several people looking, helping her find her needle.  As the sun got lower in the sky a man told her “The road is so big and the needle is so small, if you tell me where you dropped it we can find it faster.”  The woman responded “I dropped it in my house.”  Everyone began to laugh at her and the man asked her “If you dropped it in your house why are you looking for it outside?”  She replied “Because it is dark in my house and it is light outside.”  The people laughed and dispersed.

Like this woman we seeking the needle we seek happiness outside of ourselves.  We seek happiness in people, food, money, possessions, ect……We don’t seek real happiness, we only seek pleasure.  We feel that if we surround ourselves with things that please us that we will stay happy. If we took the time to find happiness from within and dwell in it we may find that as we do we enter a state of bliss.  In this state we see that we can take pleasure in all things we do, even things you used not to.  I feel that if we could all find this the world would be a better place.